Recently, I read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book was recommended to me by a several people including my mom, cousin, and a stranger who was hosting a book club.
I have had this book for a while and I finally sat down to read it.
This book is a quick read, about 138 pages, and it is rich in content. I personally took my time reading this book, so I could truly appreciate the information and what it means to me.
Why I recommend the book?
The purpose of this book is to help you cultivate a more free life. It goes over Four Agreements to live by that can help us to navigate life. All of the agreements are applicable to us in some shape or form, I promise.
The Four Agreements are:
- Be Impeccable with Your Words
- Don’t Take Things Personally
- Don’t Make Assumptions
- Do Your Best
Even though I shared what the agreements are, I still recommend that you read the book. Don Miguel Ruiz really goes into detail about how these agreements impact our lives and what happens when we don’t live by these agreements. Spoiler: Nothing drastic happens without following the agreements. You would probably just continue living your life as you have been. However, by following the agreements it helps you to seek and go after every opportunity that you want. You become an active participant in your life instead of sitting on the sideline waiting for things to happen.
He also discusses the agreements that we have already created that dictate how we navigate life and how sometimes we have to dismantle and rewrite those agreements because they could be holding us back.
How This Book Impacted Me
I related to EVERY.SINGLE agreement in the book.
The main one that stood out to me is “Do Not Make Assumptions”.
I make up assumptions about EVERYTHING. Instead of opening my mouth and asking clarifying questions, I will answer them myself based on my experiences. This has led me to missing out on a lot of stuff when the only thing that was needed was a simple conversation.
Ways that assumptions can manifest in our lives is when we text a friend or try to make plans with a friend and they don’t text back or our plans keep falling through. When this happens to me, I immediately want to think that I am not important to them or they really don’t want to hang out with me. This is a huge assumption. It also makes it seems like the world revolves around me. Reality is that a lot of people have more pressing things going in their lives so there could be multiple reasons that my friends have not gotten back to me. They could be struggling or overwhelmed with work/life, they could have thought they texted me back but they didn’t, they got busy, or they really don’t want to hang out with me.
What I am learning is that it is not up to me to assume what other people are thinking even if I believe or “I know” my assumption is correct. Give the other party an opportunity to communicate what is going on, on their end. It could be completely opposite of my assumptions.
How am I implementing things I learned in the book?
I am asking questions.
For instance, I recently invited a new friend I met on Bumble to come with me to a free fitness class with me. She stated she would come but they day of she never showed up. My initial thought was to write her off because obviously she did not care enough to inform me that there was a change in plans. Instead of doing that I reached out to her “I asked if she was okay and that I missed her at the event today”.
This changed the dynamic of the conversation and gave her the ability to express what was going on in her life. Turns out that she had to tend to more pressing matter that came up last minute. I would have never know unless I asked. I could have just ended the budding relationship before it started because I assumed she did not want to hang out.
Conclusion
This book has caused me to think about these four topics more especially about making assumptions. I think about an agreement at least once everyday.
Am I perfect at implementing these agreements?
No, but I am doing my best. That is all that I can ask for.
I know I went a little more into the “Don’t Make Assumptions” agreement. It’s the one that spoke to me the most. However, I highly recommend reading the book to learn more about the other agreements especially if any resonate with you.